I don’t know whether igneous or metamorphic but honestly this girl Kate rocks! A sight of her so serene that anybody would fall into a trance they wouldn't want to fall out of. These and much more sweet nothings have I been yearning to tell her but courage seem to be too expensive and sophisticated for me to handle. There are more pretty good things I only think of when she’s out of sight, thoughts that I dearly wish they went straight to her as I conceive.
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I’m too shy to ask, but then again am too proud to loose. I feel she deserves to be told all the good things only by me. i clearly recall the moment she walked into that class,so steadily, so innocent, but most of all so beautiful. i fancied her tiny nose and little lips. She wore her natural hair so well combed and held together at the back,but a few freely left to fall towards her right forehead partially covering her small beautiful eye. All these accordingly conspired against me to sanction a kill-an emotional kill.
It can never be by mistake that all the glances we concurrently exchange are just accidental. whenever we meet,i tend to wonder what other people usually converse. She leaves me speechless and worse still, feeling stupid and cowardice. It irks me more when someone else does his with ease. I cant no more stomach the way Larry, a fellow admirer approaches her daily with much ease. The scene robs my appetite, let alone the attention she gives him! i guess he owns this secret. He must be so affluent with courage. If courage was a drug, i would love to be an addict.
I vividly remember that day. The day she first talked to me in class. The moment itself was magical, so special and real that felt like a legend. She said she was leaving class early and that i should hand over her assignment. But of course, how on earth could i deny? It was a moment i had been passionately dying for. However, my fantasy in paradise was short lived. Yes i agreed, but immediately got overwhelmed with awe. I had nothing to say next. I became numb and weak. I tried to find the words but they could not come out right. A cold ball of sweat could be heard rolling down my armpits. I felt sorry and only yearned for that one day-the day i would be rich enough to afford courage. If courage was a drug, i would love to be an addict.
I went numb daily thinking of my next move to unleash her my intentions. Goose bumps all over me, sweaty palms, random heartbeats, stomach tremors and weak knees could succinctly describe my situation. But then i had resolved to approach her just as i was and give her hiccups even if no words could come out of me. I was ready to pretend, pretend that i was rich to own enough guts, walk to her and sweep her heart away so good that she would wonder where i had been for all that long.
I made up my mind one evening hoping for the best but expecting the worse. I thought maybe she’ll be the tranquilizer i had been anticipating, but then again maybe a walking civil war waiting to explode all over my face just or being honest. What happened next assured me to curse the day i first saw her-The way she smiled, silly laughs and ecstasy she possessed in the arms of Larry. He held her so close, spoiled her with sweet nothings as they gazed at each other with merry and exuberance. Having seen enough, i was so tormented and infuriated that i almost walked to him,accuse him of meddling and made sure that i distorted his face.
There is a side of her that i yearned to know. I wish i had the chance to know her, to know what really goes on in her mind behind those beautiful eyes. Regretfully, Kate missed the supposed chance to learn of all the good things i had in mind for her all along. It was an opportunity well missed by both of us,but orchestrated by my bloated fears.
For sometime i stood there feeling that i should quit the fight altogether, but an imagination of her in the arms of another drove me nuts and back in the game. But then i couldn't. The child in me kept reminding me that is was all my fault-that i was poor,poor with cowardice. Should i walk away and forget that it all never happened? Or should i go right ahead and confront my fears and face the situation as it is? I stood there still, not knowing what to do next…
